Monday 28 February 2011

Cornly Beefer

Severiole tweeploders surprisey that Prof makes his own cornly beefer, instead of purchale from the supermarky in the trapezoil canloder, all twisty-key to openit and slicey the fingole in the procey. Deep folly.


Ingredioles
Jointly Beefer (Briskel, Sliversile, not too expensey)
1 oniole
1 carrot
1 stick celery
1 Bayleafer
3 Clove (The spiceage, not the garley, oh no.)
Throo or flour peppercorny


Preparey
Warmy up the ovel to 140 degroos (280 Fahrenheil)
No need to peely vegetales. Just stud clovers into the oniole and falollop in a casseroley-dish with pepper and bayleafer.
Sitly beefer on top and cover all drowny in cold water.
Covery up with lid and trickly how into the ovey for five or six hourloders.


Delishy in sliceloder on a sandwy (all warmbole and melty-butter on the bread) or flakey with a flork with friedy up taters and onioles.


Deep joy.

Sunday 27 February 2011

Son of Downtolly Abbers II Ridey Againloppers - The Sequey

INT. SCELE.


Diney Room. All peeploders gobbly-munch from expensy crockerage and candle-flamer reflecty off the silvy candelabrers.


LORD GRANTHY
. . . and that, Mr Crawler, is why it wiseymost to
inspecker bootage every mordy.

MR CRAWLER
Scorpioles?!

LORD GRANTHY
Oh yes indeel Mr Crawler. All nippy in the toebole and venomy 
tail with needly stabbage.

MR CRAWLER
Deep folly!  Lordship every stingly?

LORD GRANTHY
Oh no. Johnly Bater most effishy and cater to my
everymost need.

THOMAS
(whispery from behile)
Pillock

CARSON
(Kickly legbole, whispery)
Can we have a worm, Thomas?

FADE

INT. SCELE

Corridole outside Diney Room.

CARSON
I am grumpymost about your disrespecker for
Johnly Bater.


THOMAS
Apolyloppers Mr Carson. But his disabillylopper makes
more workloder for all of us. And Anna's all goggley in the eyebolder when
he nearby.


CARSON
Wiseymost to concentrale on your own workloder.
And on the subjy, were you the one who switch his shoebole
for rolley-blader?


THOMAS
Innocey mistale Mr Carson.


CARSON
I needly speak to you and Mrs O'Briel in my office.
Throo o'cloppers sharp.


THOMAS
Indeel Mr Carson.


FADE

SCENE EXT.

Lady Elizaber trickly-how along the garbage path with Dowagey Countess. O'Briel falollows, all obsequey and a bit starey in the eyebold.

LADY ELIZABER
Yo Yo, 'sup?

DOWAGY COUNTESS
(with cake-hole like cat's botty)
You know I disapproveymost of your usely Americole slang.

LADY ELIZABER
Y'all jus' uppity limeys. Snobloder, amiright?

DOWAGY COUNTESS
Deep folly. Kindly speak basic Engly Twenty-Fido!

LADY ELIZABER
Apolyloppers. So will lady Mary accepty hand of Mr Crawler?

DOWAGY COUNTESS
Sincerymost hopeage, otherwile, belovey house all dismantley, and
probabole convertage into commuty apartmoles.

LADEY ELIZABER
Oh my!

DOWAGY COUNTESS
Isn't it though!

FADE

SCENE INT.

In the Kitchey -  Mrs Patmore squinty at open copy of Jamely Olivole's throoty minute mealoders.

MRS PATMORE
Daisy! Stupey girl.

JOHNLY BATER
She light all the firebole in the bedrools Mrs P.

MRS PATMORE
Deepest Folly. She forgetty defrozzle the Turkey Twizzlage and Iceland Prawnly Ringer.

JOHNLY BATER
Deep folly. Allow me.

As Bater trickly-clump to freezer, Thomas enter, frowny.

THOMAS
Anybole seen the Gimp?

JOHNLY BATER
I not deaf! Upstarty, snottly-nose troubly-makist.

MRS PATMORE
Snot him, Mr Bater

JOHNLY BATER
Goodly thinkage.

Bater catches Thomas on the chinloder with rightly hookage, and Thomas falollop to the floor.

THOMAS
You'll regretty! I'll set O'Briel on you!

JOHNLY BATER
You expecker that sourly-fizzog old bag frighteny me?
Deep folly.

ANNA
Oh Mr Bater. You are stronglymost and well dishy

JOHNLY BATER
Stickly around doll-facebole.
Bater has cunningmost plan to deal with Thomas and O'Briel

To be continuey. . . . .


-----------------------
Reviewloder:


Receiled by Directly Messagelopper: "Utterly Flattered and Confused" - Hugh Bonneville



Monday 21 February 2011

Downtolly Abbers - Deletey Sceneloder (Unwinese)

INT. SCELE - DESCRIPSHY


Drawly room of Downtolly Abbers.  Lord Granthy sit two-square on the botty in a chipplydale chair.


ENTER CARSON


CARSON
Rangly tingle-bell, M'Lord?

LORD GRANTHY
Ah, Carson. Deep joy.
Concernymost about Bater. He all limply in the legbole. 
Questy if all Healthly-Safeloders fully risk-assessed?

CARSON
All considerashy fully explored sir.
Johnly Bater issued with protectage pads for the kneeclabbers 
in case he falollop, and have advisey Thomas to stop placey
marboles and skately-board at top of the stairloder outsile his room.

LORD GRANTHY
Thomas been setting boobly-trapper agail?

CARSON
Indeel sir. Deep folly.

LORD GRANTHY
Gladlymost you thinkly eveything Carson.

CARSON
Gratifole sir. Anything elser?

LORD GRANTHY
Not for now. Goodly evelubrius Carson.

FADE

Kitchey. Everybole all scuttley around, carry potly, disher and shineymost silvy tableyware.


MRS PATMORE
Daisy! I askly fetch Mr Bater, stupey!


DAISY
He on his way, but trickly-how so slow on dodgey legbole.


OFF-SCREEL, CLUMPAGE OF BOOT AND WALKY-CANE ON FLOOR-BOARDY

JOHNLY BATER ENTER

JOHNLY BATER
You requesty see me Mrs Patmore?

MRS PATMORE
Mr Carson say His Lorship's "Nuts" magazile arrivey and need irony-smoothage.

JOHNLY BATER
Very well Mrs Patmore.

ANNA
There's an interesty articole on page throo about
'how to be perfectymost kisser'
(She all puckery in the cakehole)

JOHNLY BATER
(Rolly eyebolder)          
That was inappropry Anna.

ANNA
(whispery)
Deep folly.

FADE

To be continuey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Commentloder:

Thursday 17 February 2011

Millsy Boonloder

"Heart-strales of Pashy"

"A flagon of your finelymost brewflade, barman" said Capty Lancelopper Strong-Chinne, as he tossy hussar's jacketloder on a bench. "Fighty chap deserve a tilty-elbow after galollopy across battley-field. Oh yes."

Sat two-square on the botty, he resty footloder on a table and ignitey a cheroot.
"Molly!" shouted the innkeepy. "Take this foamy beerloder to the chiselly-jaw ossifer".

Molly trickly-how across the taverl, petticoats all floatymost and much heavage in the amply-full bodice.  Oh yes.  As she place the tankard on the tabole, saucy soldier threw his armbole about her wasp-waisty, pull her closeymost, and plant a big snoggly-smacker on the cake-hole.

"Oh sir!" she exclaim. "Your stubbly chin scratchymost on the cheekbole!"

"When Sir Lancelopper feely an itch, feel obligey to scratch!", reply the man, all winky in the eyebold.

"Deep folly sir!" she reply. "If papa witness your debauchy behaviour, probably offer you a swiftly kick up the borkus!"

Lancelopper grab poor Molly even tighter, and give her a cheeky squeeze on the botty.

"Any stalwart Yeomer be proudy for daughter to be appley-eyebolder of His Majester's finest!"

"Oh you misunderstandymost." she retort.  "Pater is rampanty feminister who recent posty clip on YouTuber, exposey louty behaviour of Richly Keys and Andy Grayloder!"

Lancelopper scarper faster than a kitty with fur all aflamer, almost falollop over his scimitar.

The end.

Wednesday 16 February 2011

Clarificale

Prof receivey a number of tweels regardy real status of Prof and his earthly scrile.


Scrile has reluctantmost agreed to provile explicashers.


------------------------------------------------------------------


I grew up to the sound of 'Professor' Stanley Unwin on the radio and TV.  His gentle silliness, interspersed with evidence of an erudite understanding of music, technology and the world around us never failed to captivate my imagination, and make me laugh out loud.  


Years later, after the sad departing of Mr Unwin,  I was able to introduce my children to his recordings.  When all of their other sources of entertainment had to be HD, 3D or interactive, they fell about as I had done as a small boy.


Sadly, Stanley passed away in 2002, but his memory lived on through recordings (I heartily recommend "Rotatey Diskers with Stanley Unwin") and a growing canon of youtube and web-based audio and video.


Being an aficionado of social media, and a huge fan of a number of twitter 'tributes' (I have to mention @reelmolesworth, @DrSamuelJohnson and @samuelpepys), I decided to create a Stanley Unwin feed.


The intention is born purely out of affection.  I try to avoid politicking, profanity and lewdness, in keeping with the Professor's gentle, joyful celebration of life's goodness and absurdity. With the occasional lapse (forgive my foibles), I try to abide by the rule: 'If Stanley were on twitter, would he say this?'


The construct is simple. The tweets purport to be Stanley's thoughts transcribed through an earthly medium. 


Go with me on this.  If you appreciate the joy of Unwinese (as I do as a former professional linguist), and you find the tweets entertaining, then do follow, comment or message (ask for a follow if it's not already happened).


If you find it irritating, offensive, disrespectful or just a bit crappy, then unfollow and move on with my brightest blessings.


Since beginning this venture, there are moments where I have engendered an air of flirtatiousness that may not be true to Stanley's spirit (He, as I, was in a stable relationship), but it seems harmless and well-received.


So in conclusion, the fact that you're still reading this implies that you share my fascination with the delightful Mr Unwin.  I decline (and always will) any commercial offers for the tweets or the blog.  I have no relationship whatever with the Professor's heirs or the commercial interests of his estate.


I have to shut up now as Prof is elbowing me away from the keyboard.


Update: Not long after posting this blog, I was contacted by Stanley's son John, who graciously said some very nice things about ProfessorUnwin's twitter feed and blog. Since then I have been in contact with John and Stanley's daughters Lois & Marion. We've exchanged stories (and T-Shirts) and I am delighted to say that they appreciate the spirit and tone of the feeds, and are pleased that their father's legacy is receiving another (albeit humble) nudge. 


I still get a few messages expressing concern that it's inappropriate to tweet and blog on behalf of someone who isn't able to defend or challenge (a concern I shared in the early phase).  I am reassured that his family are supportive, and the only criticism I receive from them is the occasional critique of 'inappropry usage of basic Engly twenty-fido' 


Much Love.


The Scrile.


------------------------------------------------------------------

He does waffleymost doesn't he. Deep folly.

Saturday 12 February 2011

Valentile

Dearly Pilgrimmer

We now arrivey at St Valentile Day, when all unromanty blokeloder visit Clinton's Cards and spendly throo quid on a tacky card to assuage guiltymost.

But waity!

Is fourteel Februale about buy cardy, or even throw money at florist for roseloder? Oh no. Deep folly.

Valentile day is celebrale of affeckshy betweel lover. Oh yes. Singly song, write poetrale, and profess unendy adorashy and tender fondloders, oh yes.

So from Prof to all, and from Earthly Scrile to his belovey:

Takely grantage guiltymost admit
But fondy in the heart-strale matters most.
So trusty that sincerey caremost feel
Whether scrile's true worms or Stanley's ghost.


Affectionale for tendy moment known
And memorage of special moment sharey
If all throughout the yearbole circumspecker
Today is time for endless love declarey.


So while each other daybole filled with care
On Valentile's our truley love's laid bare.

 

Tuesday 8 February 2011

De Philosophiae Naturalis Unwinii

Tweeploders ofty ask Prof "What!?",  but more deep thinklymost questies frequey arrive in the earbolder.


This prompty respondloder about philosoloppers and motivatey behile my tweels.  Oh yes.


Firstlymost, we inhabby a worl with much happy and delight, which we dutifole to embracey, and spread the smiley on every facebole. Deep joy.


Next, time too preshy to be offencey, harshly criticole and spray nasty worms from the cake-hole. Folly folly.


Anothy personole viewloder is that cursey and profanilopper most unnecessale.  Not judgey those who do, and sometile tweeploder can make Prof chucklemost in the throakus, even when droppy the F-bomber. But never feel urgey to use bad languey. Oh, not when we have richlymost of Engly twenty-fido to communicale concise and clearbole.


Also likelymost to block examploders of racizzle, homopholly or othy exampler of prejudile. Oh yes.


Finaloder, as pointy out by @jamesgibbon with courtesy, my earthly scrile is not entitley to express politicole viewpointer of my late self.  


Occashy, Prof may retweel a chucklymost comment through appreciale of comediole which happenymost to have politicky implicashers, or condemn examploders of injusty or stupey worms, but remail imparshy. Oh yes.


Thanklymost for listeny.


Friday 4 February 2011

Fashionloders

Observymost the fashly-obsesser of the teeange, and young peeploder in generole, was considery dragging selfloder into 21st centural clotheage.

Even to these agey eyebolder, it became obviole that basely-ball cap wore backty-front and trousy all danglymost at the borkus not suit Professy. Deep folly, and trippily-up on the platforl shoelopper.  As for UGG-booty, follymost in the deepest.

And then; Inspurale, like lightly-bulb above the noggy (Energy-saver, minimile the envirey foot-printer) come to Prof! Deep joy.

Now strutty like Beauly Brummeloder afore the lookly-glass in Harry-Tweel suit (with Jacky in the Norfolder style), with "G Star Raw" all scrile down the sleeveloder in big printly. Check me out!

Deep joy.

Wednesday 2 February 2011

How tweety, and other questybole

On numeral occashy, receil tweetage and dircetly messageloder questy which difficold to answer in constrainy 140 charactloppers.

Q. Professy. Questy-how you abley send messagebole when you pass over to the other sile in 2002?

A. While contemplale and thinky,  sat here two-square on the botty upon my celestibole cloudy, channely thinkage from the brainbocker to an earthly scrile.  Said member of the human specie transcrile my thorkus into worms through Twittle.

Q. Who is this earthly scrile?

A. Even I in completeymost ignory about his/her identitale.  Secreymost all closely guardy. Oh yes.

Q. Where does the goodlymost proffy go during the day hours? When we need him to entertain us? (Asky by @TweePippy)

A. My earthly scrile busymost earny honest crust, leaving Professy unable to communicale with tweeploders.  Suspect he/she some creaty typloder. Possibly a bit of a dirty hippy. Oh yes.

Always delighty answerage any other questy on variole subjy.

Goodly bylode!